I'm What?
by LSMcGill
Summary: Ranma visits the Amazon village... or does he? A Mystery Crossover one shot


A Ranma ½ mystery crossover story  
by LS McGill

The guide stepped off the bridge into a clear spot in the fog, continuing his blurb in poor Japanese.

"And here we come to famous lost island of Amazons. Women on this island is very strong. Sirs must be very careful here."

"I ain't afraid of a bunch of girls," the redhead walking by the panda grumped. Man, this guy was boring! And when was he going to stop for lunch? She tried to ignore the rumblings in her belly as they approached a large structure, the arches and columns lending it an air of quiet sophistication despite the sounds of cheering coming from within. She watched curiously as the guard went up to the two girls standing on either side of the gate, wearing chest armor that appeared made of brass over loose tunics and skirts, and peculiar crested helmets. As the guide came back, she noted he seemed excited.

"We's in luck, Mister Tourists. Amazons hold big festival today to decide who champion. We have invite to watch see who win."

The redhead's interest perked a little. Fighting was always a good thing to watch, and one never knew when you could learn something new. She followed the panda and guide into a large arena, and they took seats near the edge of the field. The guides eyes were glued to the two woman warriors fighting on the field, and Ranma noted with interest that the contestants were unclothed. From the drool on the guides face, she doubted he realized the honor the warriors were displaying by competing with bodies alone. She was watching the techniques when the panda handed her a large ear of corn. She looked over, and realized they'd set close to a small dividing wall, across which, in easy panda reach, was a large table overflowing with food. She started munching on the corn, and when the panda seemed likely to scarf all the food down, she hopped over him to grab her fair share of the bounty.

She was munching on a large piece of mutton when she finally realized a dead silence had fallen, and she looked up, seeing the tall dark-haired girl from the field glaring at her… Along with everyone else in the arena.

"Oh no. Is very bad, Mister Tourists, very bad."

The woman growled something that sounded like a barbaric jumble of nonsense, lacking even the basics of tonal harmony. The menace in her voice was unmistakable, though.

"She say, 'Why you eat prize?'"

"Prize?" the redhead asked.

More gibberish.

"She say she champion of Amazons, and you eat part of her prize."

The redhead looked down at the mostly demolished table, and realized there was really only one option. "So if I beat her, that would make me champion? And then it would be my prize."

The guide paled. "You not want challenge Amazon princess."

"Why not? If they're honorable, then they should know that if I can beat her, I'm the best, and I deserve the prize."

More gibberish as the guide haltingly explained the challenge to the dark-haired woman. Her blue eyes flashed dangerously as she narrowed them at the redhead, and she nodded.

The redhead followed the champion to the field, stripping as she went so as they reached the circle, they both stood naked as they bowed. The woman offered in halting Japanese, "Princess Moon Huntress. Amazon Champion."

The redhead bowed. "Ranma Saotome of the Saotome School of Anything Goes."

The fight was over in two hits. One to the face, one to the ground. Ranma stood over the fallen woman as a tall robed figure stepped across the field. She stopped and bowed, then addressed Ranma in perfect Japanese.

"You have bested our Champion, and as such, it has fallen to you to fulfill her role."

"Huh?"

The woman reached out her hands. "We fought this day not just for food, but for the role of the Amazon's emissary to the modern world, the shining example of nobility and skill, the paragon of martial discipline. You are the champion, and this duty has fallen to you."

Ranma blinked, her hands pausing just before she touched the woman's out stretched hands. "You want me to, uh, be an example of a good fighter?"

The woman smiled. "No, as an example of the paragon of martial abilities. The best fighter."

"Oh, yeah, well I am the best fighter, sure."

The woman's hands dropped too quickly for Ranma to pull back and she felt cold metal encircling her wrists, she jumped back and looked at her arms, blinking at the smooth metal emblazoned with a simple red star.

Then she noted they had no clasps.

"What the heck?"

"The symbols of your strength and your role. When duty calls, click them together to don your armor."

"Armor?" She blinked and clicked the bracelets against each other, then blinked again and looked down as she felt her body encased in a smooth silky caress. She stared in horror at the gold eagle, the tight red bodice, and the French cut star-spangled bikini bottoms.

"Auughhh!"

The tall woman had turned to address the crowd "Salute! I give you our Champion! WONDER WOMAN!"

Author's notes: Just a sick, twisted depraved bit of silliness. Shoot me now.

LS McGill

Disclaimer: Ranma ½ and its characters and settings belong to Rumiko Takahashi, Shogakukan, Kitty, and Viz Video. Wonder Woman was created by Dr. William Moulton Marston and belongs to DC Comics.


End file.
